Listening, A Complex Activity

By Randi Freidig

While listening may be the first social skill learned, it unfortunately is seldom developed or honed to its potential. More often than not, it degenerates into a habit, an unconscious response that impacts so much in our lives.

We are schooled in reading, writing, and speaking. Our North American schooling tends to focus on our ability to articulate rather than acquiring listening skills. Yet, in the workplace, listening is a skill required of all people in customer contact, sales, negotiating, management and leadership positions.

Listening is a complex activity. While the average person speaks at about 150 words per minute, the average listener can absorb three times that number. A good listener is seldom bored, but rather has the ability to focus on the message, to analyze the meanings behind the words, and to seek understanding. This is active listening.

Tips for enhancing your listening effectiveness:
     • Learn to quiet your mind and focus on what the other person is saying.
     • Take an interest in what the speaker has to say.
     • Minimize distractions.
     • Ask clarifying questions.
     • Listen for feelings and meaning not just words.
     • Set aside judgments until the speaker is finished.
     • Use appropriate non-verbal listening behaviors.
     • Paraphrase for clarification and understanding.
     • Show concern, respect, and courtesy.
     • Be able to summarize key points and refocus the discussion if you get off track.

A good speaker can help the person speaking by:
     • asking questions;
     • showing interest;
     • being attentive;
     • expressing concern;
     • clarifying what was heard;
     • empathizing.

By developing good listening skills, you will improve your interpersonal relationships and enhance career opportunities. And, remember, silence is only golden when one is actively being a good listener.

Reprinted with permission from Randi Freidig, Professional Speaker, (206) 284-3833, Seattle, www.freidig.com.